Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991)
It can be argued that all film sequels are unnecessary. It’s true, they are, although there have been many sequels that not only felt necessary but almost surpassed the original; think The Godfather Part II or Aliens. But there are hardly any sequels that felt as unnecessary and useless as Return to the Blue Lagoon, the follow-up to the dippy original The Blue Lagoon from 1980.
You remember The Blue Lagoon, that movie where Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins grow up alone on a tropical island and soon discover sex. Anyway, at the end of that movie, Shields, Atkins and their little boy are found alive drifting in the ocean in a rowboat by Atkins’s father, so it makes perfect sense that at the beginning of the sequel, they are found by a totally different boat and, except for the child, they are dead. Luckily for the boy, on board the boat is a woman, Lisa Pelikan, with a little girl the same age. No prizes for predicting that, yes, the boat beings to sink and, yes, Pelikan and the tots escape in a lifeboat, drift around the ocean until they wind up on a tropical island. Sound familiar?
What you may not have guessed, though, is that they wind up on the exact same island. What are the odds? But it’s good they did because all they have to do is move in to the same sets. Yup, instant shelter. For the bulk of Return to the Blue Lagoon, we are treated to the exact same movie. Pelikan dies, so the children have to make do on their own and they grow up to be Milla Jovovich and Brian Krause, and scene after scene is nearly a carbon copy. Jovovich becomes concerned about her growing breasts, Krause is mystified by his morning erections, Jovovich gets her period and they eventually learn about sex. No surprises here.
The only divergence from the formula is the arrival of another ship, and needless to say the passengers and crew are surprised that there are a couple English-speaking natives. So why is this ship on the island? No idea. Guess it was an accident. In any case, one of the passengers is the pretty blonde Nana Coburn who practically has an instant orgasm the moment she ogles the bare-chested Krause. This plot twist is only in place to give Jovovich a chance to act all hurt and jealous. Also on board is a crusty and creepy sailor who wants Jovovich’s giant pearl she wears in her hair, and in addition to that, he tries to rape her. Luckily, Krause shows up and leads the sailor out into the water until he’s eaten by sharks. Anyway, Krause and Jovovich decide to stay on the island instead of going back to civilization with the ship and then Jovovich announces she’s pregnant, “A woman knows these things,” she says, which is a far cry from when Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins had a baby without knowing anything about how it got inside Shields or where it was supposed to come out.
Return to the Blue Lagoon is a very pointless excuse for a movie. Why did anyone think a sequel to The Blue Lagoon was needed? I guess they were saving money on a script since all they really did was remake the original and simply tweaked one or two things. So, if you are trying to decide which of the two movies to watch, you may as well watch the original because there is a whole lot more naked flesh on hand than the PG-13 sequel and, really, isn’t that the only reason to watch either one?