10,000 B.C. (2008)
I imagine writer/director Roland Emmerich (The Patriot, Independence Day) was hoping that 10,000 B.C. would be a Quest For Fire for a new generation; however, what we got was a new The Clan of the Cave Bear, if that.
10,000 B.C. is just patently stupid, to put it simply. It has a lame story, horrible CGI effects and takes forever to get where it's going.
The plot follows Steven Strait, a young hunter from a primitive (comparatively) clan that, as the film opens, is engaged in a mammoth hunt. If my tribe were dependent on Strait to provide food for our survival, I guess we'd have to resort to cannibalism. He's nearly killed in a mammoth accident but survives just in time to see members of a more intelligent band of warriors swoop in and take away Camilla Belle, his hot cave snugglebunny. The rest of the film is about this quest to get her back.
Along the way he has run-ins with sabre-toothed tigers and in the movie's most ridiculous sequence, is nearly gobbled up by a giant dodo bird that is roughly the size of a sperm whale. Yes, our hero and his friends run around a field of grass with blades the height of an average oak and dive away from phony looking bird beaks that swoop down periodically.
They reach their destination, which is supposed to represent a 'modern' culture, such as Egypt or Mesopotamia, although the movie never really makes it clear, and fight to save Belle from the clutches of the evil emperors who want savages to work as slaves. So, in a sense, the story of 10,000 B.C. is pretty much exactly like every cliched and shopworn plot from every Z-grade sword and sorcery epic ever made. If only it were that good.
This movie is just junky from start to finish. The costuming looks like a combination of the rags worn by the humans in Battlefield Earth and the flowy gowns worn by Jaye Davidson in Stargate. And I suppose giving Belle a head full of cornrows automatically makes her more savage-like, despite the fact that her eye-liner, lipstick and blush are always perfectly applied to her face. Good thing they had Maybelline way back when.
The only entertainment value 10,000 B.C. has is as a comedy. If humans were really like this, then I have a feeling we would've become extinct due to stupidity and bird bites.