ONE BARFIE
Indegestion
Only a little dyspepsia. These movies actually have many good qualities with only minor problems. You might even be able to 'enjoy' them, relatively speaking.
TWO BARFIES
Motion Sickness
The gorge may start to rise, but with a little preparation and a little dramamine, you will survive relatively intact. Just don't eat a heavy meal prior to viewing.
THREE BARFIES
Stomach Flu
Let the regurgitation begin. Bed rest, fluids and Vitamin C recommended. The effects of these movies will most likely last beyond 24 hours.
FOUR BARFIES
Food Poisoning
Much projectile vomiting will ensue, accompanied by some lower-intestinal distress. Seriously consider whether watching these films is worth the risk.
FIVE BARFIES
Cholera
A life-threatening purging from both ends. Steer clear of these films, because they are not only hazardous to your health, but the results are contagious to the loved ones in your life.
BIOHAZARD BARFIE
Post-Nuclear Fallout Radiation Sickness
The mortality rate for those watching these films is exceedingly high. Should only be attempted by those with the training and experience to handle their effects. Like me.