Don't Go in the Woods (aka Don't Go in the Woods...Alone!) (1981)
Foolishly, it seems, I believed that a slasher-in-the-wilderness, psycho-killer flick couldn't get worse than The Forest from 1982, or that film acting couldn't get more laughably awful than Tommy Wiseau's The Room. Hands down, Don't Go in the Woods beats both of these movies in the departments of ineptitude and wretchedness without breaking a sweat.
Yes, there's another killer in the woods and campers and hikers are getting butchered left and right. For some of the movie, we follow a foursome of friends played miserably by Jack McClelland, Mary Gail Artz, James P. Hayden and Angie Brown. They camp and laugh and play and occasionally swim and horse around even while there are dead bodies lying inches away from them. They give a new meaning to the term obliviously unobservant. You see, there's this giant wildman who spends most of the movie butchering various characters whose sole functions are to appear on screen for about 30 seconds (if that) before getting chopped and dismembered. The single oddest moment from all of these scenes follows a hiker in a wheelchair (?!), who, without the aid of anyone else or a vehicle, periodically is shown on mountain trails atop rock faces until, yes, he's wiped out, too.
Oh, and now a few words about the killer. Even though he is so stealthy that he always pops up and kills without being detected, when we finally get a good look at him, he is about 300 pounds, wears furs and pelts with dozens of beads, bells and bones hanging from them, and carries around a giant box that, I suppose, contains all of his knives and machetes. He is so huge and makes so much noise whenever he walks, it's hard to understand how he could sneak up on anyone who isn't completely deaf.
But the most unendurable part of Don't Go in the Woods is the acting. Words can't even describe how bad it is. Every single line from every single cast member is delivered as if they were being read off cue cards while half asleep; all of them, whether they are a leading character or a nameless also-ran who only has one line. But with craptastic dialogue throughout, it's almost unfair to pile on top of the actors.
Even those who are just in the mood for a movie with lots of gore will be sorely disappointed. Don't Go in the Woods gained a bit of notoriety for being featured on the British censorship board's list of "Video Nasties", but it's all so fake looking it barely even registers. This movie is a failure across the board and pretty much makes a strong case for being one of the worst slashers ever coughed up, if not the single worst one.
*Actor Vincent D'Onofrio made his directing debut with a 2010 film also called Don't Go in the Woods, which is the world's first slasher/musical. Although his film is not in any way a remake of the 1981 film, it's also pretty godawful, but for completely different reasons.